That 70's Show a la Slayers
by ho.wide.world
Summary: During a peaceful stay at inn Gourry bumps into a shady character and purchases "special tea herbs", so the gang tries it out; their minds begin to react to the herbs. Read as the chaos ensues and gawk on how Lina admits liking small breasts...not to ment


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That 70's Show a la Slayers

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own the series Slayers. I am not claiming ownership of any kind over the show and merchandise. This is strictly fanfiction.  
  
**Author's Notes:** This is set during the time when Lina and company are out parading around seeking to find refuge at the temple of the Fire Dragon King. I must stress that Filia is also still unaware of her races sins.  
  
Also be warned this fic may be sensitive to younger or older audiences since it implies the usage of drugs and their effects in lenient and fundamental ways. Have a nice time reading my fic to all who are interested. Thank you for your time.  
  


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"Lina-san." a calm and serene voice echoed for the thousandth time. A woman with cascading shimmering golden tresses draped in light priestess garbs aggregately eyed her companion who was hidden behind piles and piles of dirty ceramic plates. The eating individual had long bright orange red hair to flicker each time she continued to dig her fork into the several main courses she was devouring at once as she took a small pause to chug down the contents of her goblet.  
  
"Lina-san!" the woman bellowed in a loud voice her delicate poised hold on the blush coloured tea cup she was holding was beginning stressed as the handle shattered. The fiery haired girl continued to eat as she paid no attention to her irritated friend who sat across from her. The blonde female rolled her eyes and glared at the sorceress. _"Perhaps it would have been a wiser decision to accompany, Amelia-san to the onsen...."_ she mused wistfully to herself as she placed the cup down on the strained table, _"....but I'd rather keep an eye on this eating behemoth just encase she blows all my gold on food."_ the dragon thought bitterly as she slammed her hands onto the table causing it to shudder."LINA-SA...." the ryuuzoku failed to utter another word when the petite woman placed down her fork and grinned.  
  
_"Ahhh,"_ the girl emitted with a happy sigh stretching her arms then slowly patting her unfazed stomach, "That was one of the best meals ever and not having to share with Gourry and the others was a bonus. Thanks for the meal, Filia...you didn't even have a single bite." Lina winked as the Gold's eyes crossed while she began to clench her fists; she slowly began to open her mouth for a retort when the crimson haired sorceress interrupted her again. "Fi-li-_aaaa_! When are we going to arrive at that temple of yours?" the small breasted girl inquired in a high and whiny voice as she pushed her filthy plates aside to view the agitated lizard.  
  
"Soon, Lina-san, quite soon. We'd get there even sooner if we departed from this inn and traveled onward for the remainder of the evening." she growled as she knitted her yellow brows closer together in frustration.  
  
Then smaller woman looked up at the blood with curious scarlet eyes. "We can't leave today, this might be the only inn we come in contact within weeks and most importantly what about breakfast." she reasoned while she motioned a young brunette haired waitress to clear her dishes from her table and two others.  
  
"I can't take this, who do you think is paying for all of this!" the Gold yelled slamming her gloved hands onto the already wheezing table. Lina sprang back as the dragon's sturdy palms smashed against the tablet and eyed the creaking legs nervously. **CRASH!** The table gave a final shudder as the legs each split down the middle and collapsed onto the grounds; the mountains of plates gave a small leap into the air and segregated when they landed on the floor. Both the ryuuzoku, sorceress and everyone else in the room blinked dumbfoundly as the two individuals slowly crept towards another table; leaving the waitresses to clean up the mess. _"Another item added to the bill: food, lodging, onsen usage and now broken chinaware,"_ Filia ranted in her mind, the corner of her eyes twitching oddly.  
  


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A short raven haired girl raised the lowered position of her head and looked further down the side of the hall. _"Huh,_ what was that crashing sound?" Amelia questioned as she, a man with cornified aqua azure skin so hard it was like stone, and a man with shoulder length violet hair walked from the changing areas of the man-made hot spring; each carrying a neatly folded towel.  
  
_"Keh,"_ the man with the steel like hair tossed his head to the side with disgust and annoyance and glared at the man walking along side him. "Do you have to ask, Amelia we did leave two extremely powerful and short tempered women to converse amongst themselves." Zelgadis mumbled as he shifted his gaze to look in front of him.  
  
"Most likely those two got into an argument and are destroying anything in sight, yet I wonder whose making a bigger hazard area of chaos this time: dearest Filia-san or perhaps Lina-san?" the monster wagered in amused voice as he revealed one amethyst eye glinting sinisterly up ahead.  
  
"Xellos-san, it's not right to assume such things of Lina-san and Filia-san, perhaps they had a scuffle with some...brigands...and....had……to defend themselves by levelling the inn and hospitalizing anyone in their way," the girl stated with a defeated sigh as she looked wistfully behind her realizing her words made no tinge of sense concerning those two characters. "Gourry-san, made an unnaturally wise move to stay in the onsen longer, I'm not too thrilled with going out there." she muttered as the chimera nodded along with her; the mazoku only smiled and shut his open that twinkled slightly.  
  


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_"Heh. Heh. Heh.,"_ a long blonde haired man panted as he dashed through the hall nearly tripping and landing flat on his face as his blanch towel wrapped admissibly around his legs. "I hope Lina, didn't eat all of the food I'm starving." the guardian known as Gourry Gabriev said as his stomach growled motivating him only to move faster; his mind drifting to all the rare and exotic dishes he would try. (If they weren't already devoured, that is) The man so immersed in his thoughts he didn't acknowledge the shady looking man slinking to the side. _Smack!_  
  
_"Itai,"_ the cloaked man muttered as he fell flat on his butt and raised his covered face to glare at his oppressor. "Next time watch were your going you, bak...."the man stopped and his eyes turned to saucers as he viewed the tall and well bodied golden haired man towering over him not to mention the sword that dangled carelessly against his hip. _"Eh..eh...eh..."_ was all he could muster out of his cotton dry mouth.  
  
Gourry blinked and saw a small bundle lying at the feet of the individual he bulldozed; he picked it up and extended his hand towards the person with a sheepish grin. "Gomen, didn't see ya there Oji-chan." he apologized as he hefted the smaller man to his tottering feet, _"Hoi,_ I believe this is yours." he chirped as he tossed the satchel into the cloaked figure's black clad hands.  
  
"The man blinked and stared down at the bag and then began to nervously hop up and down as his palms were on fire."This bag..._er_...no it's not mine......I mean I was holding it....I mean _uh_...you didn't see what was in it did you?" he questioned nervously small beads of sweat perspired down his cheek.  
  
"Did I see inside the bag....nope." the golden haired man replied shaking his head as he began to make his venture towards the inn restaurant only to be stopped by the darkened clad man.  
  
_"Ha, I guess under all that muscle this guy don't seem to bright, perhaps I can make a sale out of him."_ he thought to himself as he began to bow low; grinning foolishly and extended hand holding the small bag. Slowly his hood slid off his slightly bald head and his face was uncovered. "Hold on there young man, my name is Ran and I'd like to apologize for bumping into you." he said with a feigned smile. _"Even though it was you who bumped into me you, aho."_ he mumbled to himself. "So as a token of my gratitude I'd like to sell you these special...._umh_....herbs..._uhhh_....tea herbs...yes, yes tea herbs that should do it." He mumbled.  
  
Gourry picked up the package and sniffed the contents; it smelt odd yet intoxicating at the same time as his nostrils flared. "Special tea herb, what's so special about it?" he asked as Ran stiffened and began to nervously scratch his head chuckling softly.  
  
"Well...it...us...well it relaxes the soul and mind of many creatures, humans dragons beastmen and even mazoku are affected by it. It can even relax your muscles and make you stronger and…..smarter after consuming it." he explained as he looked down at the floor not too sure that the blonde was dumb enough to but it.  
  
"I'LL TAKE IT!" he roared as he dumped a few coins into the man's hand and dashed off with a grin. "Lina's always been saying I need a brain that wasn't entirely made out of pudding and too get smarter or she'd blast me into the moon, well here's my chance. I made such a good deal maybe I'm getting smarter already." he laughed as he ran down the hall.  
  
Ran's shoulders twitched as the sum of coins in his hand dropped lamely to the ground. "That guy…..well as long as that stuff is off my shoulders. I mean not like its illegal or anything but I do hope he keeps a stiff head when using it..._hehehe."_ he muttered as he shuffled off.  
  


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"You spent good money on this crap, how do you even know it works?" Lina growled as she eyed the tearing Gourry still holding the brown bag in his trembling hands. "If we can't afford all the food I want because of Filia's bankruptcy and your splurging, you better run, run as fast as you can." she growled in heated rage her eyes glowed a fierce red while everyone except a smiling mazoku shuddered uneasily at the table.  
  
"Calm down, Lina. Gourry's done stupider things before and besides a tea herb that can affect humans, dragons, and mazoku must wield special abilities." Zelgadis said as he eyed the bag longingly. Amelia caught the chimera's enlightened gaze and smiled.  
  
"This might also be a cure to your curse, right Zelgadis-san?" Amelia asked as the blue skinned shamanist nodded his head.  
  
_"Hmm,_ odd though I don't recollect any tea herbs that can seriously affect mazoku...,"Xellos trailed off as he turned to the dragon who sat beside him and grinned, "Filia-san be a dear and boil us some water would you." he said in a soft voice.  
  
_"Hmph,_ I don't need you ordering me around, Namagomi Mazoku." she hissed her glower transforming into a smile as she noticed him twitch and his carefree grinned strained a few degrees. "I was going to make it anyway," she said as she grabbed the package and peered inside taking a sniff. Her head buzzed slightly in a pleasant way as she blinked in an intrigued fashion. "Kind of looks like oregano to me." she muttered as she placed the satchel down and removed a kettle from her gear.  
  


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A few minutes later Filia had finished boiling the water and added the special herbs. She politely poured Lina, Gourry, Zelgadis and Amelia a cup. Then she threw a disgruntled gaze to Xellos and shoved the teapot into his gloved hands with a growl.  
  
"Well here goes," Lina muttered as everyone raised their tea cups to their lips and......  
  
_"Anou,"_ A small voice squeaked and everyone paused from taking a sip from their. Each of them turned to look impatiently at the inn manager as he nervously fumbled his fingers over the rim of his hat. "Dear customers it is getting quite late and it's time for me to...ahhh!" the man shrieked as Lina placed her cup to rest on the table and she looked at the manager her eyes crossed.  
  
"AHHH! It's not closed until I say so and as your customers you should wait graciously until we finished our meal. Now go back behind the counter and wait!" she snarled as the man jittered on his feet and ran away; cowering himself behind a table. The redhead shook her head and grabbed the cup with force so much that some splashed over the rim. "Bottoms up."  
  
"Bottoms Up!" the others hollered as they all chugged down the tea and slammed their cups onto the table. They all leant back into their chairs and waited, after a few seconds they blinked and looked curiously at Gourry who seemed even more perplexed than usual.  
  
"I don't think those were special tea herbs, they tasted like normal tea to me," Amelia whispered to the blonde so the fuming crimson manned sorceress would fail to hear.  
  
"Way to go, Jellyfish brains those were nothing but cheap tea leaves that some guy suckered out of you, man you better go find him and get your...your..."Lina failed to finish her sentence as a large grin twisted on her lips as she began to laugh uncontrollably. The others stared at the laughing woman as they too felt something odd about themselves. A few seconds later......  
  


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If any on lookers would be passing the Moonlight Lodge and peered into the cracked window frame they would see the oddest thing. Their eyes would narrow as their pupils enlarged to detect any form or creature in the room that was shrouded in pure darkness; only the smoothest silhouette figures of the furniture could be seen except for one sphere like spot that was illuminated by a candle; casting an eerie glow.  
  
The candle was seated on a medium sized battered beige tablet hat had definitely had better days. Around the table sat six mysterious figures that were all conversing to each other with light heartedness and joy. One of the figures stirred and it seemed to be female; she was apparently the smallest of the group as she turned around to see the onlooker. The man froze as the girl gave a silly wave and turned back to talk to her friends. "What the, those guys must have some strong stuff."  
  


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Lina: Ya, know what I kind of like…..small breasts. Yeah, little flat chested ole' me I mean big breast are such a nuisance, who in the world says bigger is supposedly better?  
  
Amelia: Really....? Oh, Lina-san(gingerly claps hands together) I think there's an old highly respectable Saillune folk song you should listen to I think it's called _"I Like small breasts"_ or something....._hmmm_...wait I think it's more along the lines of _"I Like big butts"_,.... never mind.  
  
Zelgadis: *_sigh_* I wish I had small breasts.  
  
The chimera pales a few shades as he nervously looks around the table. His five companions glued their amused eyes to the blushing shamanist who tried to hide his embarrassed face.  
  
Lina: Whatever makes you happy, Zel....  
  
Gourry: Oi, Lina I just thought of the funniest word....**Jellyfish.** _Hahaha!_  
  
Filia: Gourry-san that really isn't quite ..._ehh_ (Quickly turns to eye the purple-haired mazoku)  
  
Xellos: Jelly..._Hahah_.....fish....._haha._ Yare, yare (wipes tears from eyes) I must inform Juu-ou-sama of that the next time I give my report to her. _Heheh_....Jellyfish.  
  
Filia: Baka Namagomi Mazoku, _hmph._ (Crosses arms)  
  
Amelia: Oh, Filia-san I've been meaning to ask you just what does Namagomi mean anyway? Really, what is raw garbage? (The chimera angles his body to eye the dragon)  
  
Zelgadis: Although I don't mind you stating the truth when calling Xellos Namagomi, I actually wanted to know what exactly the difference between garbage and raw garbage is.  
  
Filia: Huh,...._er_...._uhhh_...there's a logical explanation; the difference is...._uh_....you see.  
  


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Well that's it for the first chapter. So everyone what do you think of my first Slayers fanfiction…actually it's my first fanfiction I've ever done really. Don't ask me where I got the idea of mixing That 70's Show and Slayers my mind can get a little warped as I'm sure a lot of you know. Hopefully my muse will be fully able to help me finish the next chapter. Well tell me how to improve or perhaps if I'm going in the wrong direction by reviewing people. If anyone has any suggestsions or requests that you'd like for me to squeeze into the story I'd be happy to oblige. Thank you for your time. (By the way what is the difference between garbage and raw garbage?)  
  



End file.
